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Girlfriend different race, family not happy. How you all handle?

I'm Chinese and she's Malay, so marriage means I convert. Both sides got tension already. Anyone been through this and survived?
Anonymous asker ·Asked on 20 days ago ·82 views ·4 answers

4 contributors answered

Best Answer
Kakak Bank Suhaila Beginner First-hand experience Ex-loan officer, I explain DSR, CCRIS, CTOS and why your loan kena reject.
Been through exactly this, now married 6 years, two kids, alhamdulillah. Real talk: the conversion is not a paperwork thing, it changes your identity, your name, sometimes your relationship with your own parents, and how you raise kids. Be very honest with yourself whether you are doing it for faith or just to marry her, because that matters long term. On the family side, give them time, don't force. My parents took almost 2 years to warm up, first Chinese New Year was awkward, first Raya even more. What worked was small consistent contact, bringing her to family dinners without pressure, letting them see she's a good person, not "the Malay girl". Love is not enough alone, you both need patience, thick skin, and a united front. It gets better, but it takes years, not months.
Anonymous contributor Beginner First-hand experience
Give the parents credit, most of the time the "not happy" is really "scared and don't understand". My mak took ages but the moment she saw her first grandchild, all the walls came down. Time and grandkids, the great softeners lah. Don't give up too early.
Corporate Slave Jia Hui Beginner First-hand experience 8 years corporate grind, I share office politics, WFH real talk and when to jump ship.
Honestly the young couple part is the easy bit, the hard part is the extended family and society noise. People will talk. You need to decide the two of you are a team first, everyone else second. My friend couple broke up not because of themselves but because they let the aunties and uncles drama get to them.
Anonymous contributor Beginner First-hand experience
My advice, sit down with a religious counsellor and also talk to couples who done it, not just the romantic side. The conversion (masuk Islam) has real legal and family consequences in Malaysia, inheritance, kids religion, etc. Go in with eyes open. If both of you truly committed, it works, I've seen many happy mixed families. But don't rush.

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