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GF wants me to propose but I'm not financially ready, how to talk about it?

Been together 4 years, both 28. She's dropping hints about marriage and even her family asked me during CNY. I love her but with my PTPTN loan and car loan, plus KL cost of living, I feel far from ready for a wedding and BTO-style house. Scared to bring it up and disappoint her. How to have this conversation?
Anonymous asker ·Asked on 4 hours ago ·1 views ·2 answers

2 contributors answered

Danny_Setapak Beginner First-hand experience
Bro, I was in the exact same spot 3 years ago. What I learned: avoiding the conversation is worse than having it. Your GF probably senses your hesitation anyway and is imagining the worst. I finally sat my now-wife down and laid out my real numbers, loans, savings, everything. Turns out she didn't need a 100k wedding, she just wanted to know we had a plan together. We did a small 60-person wedding, registered first, and delayed the house. Be honest about the money but frame it as 'I want to do this properly with you', not 'I can't'. She'll respect the honesty.
Sharon_Cheah Beginner First-hand experience
From the woman's side, please talk to her sooner rather than later. The silence is what hurts, not the lack of a ring. When my husband told me he wasn't ready financially, I actually felt relieved that he was thinking seriously about our future instead of just doing it for show. We made a joint savings plan and it brought us closer. Also, weddings in Malaysia don't need to bankrupt you, ROM plus a simple lunch is totally fine. Money problems are real but hiding them creates trust problems, which are worse. Communicate lah, she's your partner not your enemy.

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